Oh Poop...

Every parent can probably recall their most memorable bodily function story when it comes to their kids, and it usually involves either poop or puke.  It's true.  EVERY parent I've talked with can recall at least one (most often more) funny story (although it's usually mortifying or extremely frustrating in the moment).  Well, I finally trumped all of my previous recollections after today...

We were enjoying the Coastal Farm Store One day sale when Calvin stated he was poopy.  We've been in the process of potty/poop training and my philosophy has been that if he sits in his poo for awhile, then maybe his bottom will get a bit sore and he'll be reminded that the poop doesn't belong there.  Maybe it's cruel of me, but honestly I felt like it was the only way it was going to sink into his little head...And it's not like I'm leaving it there the entire day (o;

We were continuing to enjoy our peruse through the store when Curtis had to go outside to check something in the store's yard.  I took the boys, put Calvin in the cart and told William to hang onto the end of the cart while I moved around.  It's our typical shopping arrangement whenever there's a cart.  It had probably been about fifteen minutes since Calvin had announced that his pants were dirty.  I look over and he's now announcing that he has poop on his finger...Jet fast, I grabbed his wrist.

"Don't touch anything Calvin!!!"

As I one handedly wheeled the cart to a spot towards the front of the store, I noticed that it was starting to really smell atrocious.  Before now, the smell had only been minimal (maybe I have an ignorant mom nose...I think too many poopy diapers have singed whatever nose hairs I have left).  Now, all I wanted to do was find a hole to climb in.  Remind you, this was their One Day Sale...there were tons of people in the store.  Also remind you that Curtis was nowhere around and of course, this was the one time I had left my diapers AND wipes IN the car.  Dig me a deeper hole?

Now William, "Mom, I have poop on me."

"What?!" As I looked over at him I noticed that not only did he have poop on his shorts, but all over the brand new jacket he was wearing that we had not yet bought for him.  How in the world?  Then I saw it.  There at the end of the cart (where William had been standing) was poop...not just a little, but enough to cover at least a third of the cart as it not only was smeared throughout, but was also dripping onto the floor.

"Don't move!"  I told him.  Remind you that I was still hanging onto Calvin's hand so that nothing else in our cart would be smeared.  At that moment, I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but I was fully aware of two things: (1) the stench we were permeating the store with and (2) that I needed Curtis ASAP.

Finally (after what seemed like an eternity), Curtis is standing in the checkout line waving me over to him.  I gave him a look and waved him my direction.  If there were only words to describe his face as he drew closer to our cart.  Why does poop have to smell so bad?!  He jumped into action and ran out to the car for the wipes and a fresh diaper.  Meanwhile, I go to work wiping up what drippage I can with a kleenex I had found in my purse while keeping a hawk eye on Calvin's hand.  Then I realize I've got to get a hold of someone from the store soon so that I can let them know that one of their carts was covered in stench.  And of course, the cart's design had to be one of the most complex-tiny hexagonal shapes with tiny crevices throughout.  Made for a definite joy of a cleaning job.

Curtis (my savior) rushes back in with wipes (I'm quite certain they're a mom's best friend...in fact, after this incident, it's a fact).  I continue the cleaning job while Curtis holds the to-be-boughten jacket of William's up so that I can at least remove the visible poop before he takes it up to the checker.

"Just hold the tag up and tell the checker just to scan it.  I'm sure they'll figure out why you won't give it to them once they get a whiff."  (o;

I actually had to track someone down in their employee break room.  Thankfully the man I spoke with was gracious.  God bless him for taking that cart from the store.  As for Calvin, didn't phase him much (o;  I took him into the bathroom, used every wipe I had to clean poop from his hiney, legs, back and hair as I stripped him of all clothing.  We walked out (what seemed to be an hour later) with him in only a diaper.  Thankfully I had one of those nifty little diaper disposable bags that smell like flowers to carry all the junk (o;

Phew.  I felt it was definitely a blog worthy story.
One day he'll get a good chuckle out of this one.
Right now, I feel like I need another shower (o;


Comments

That's is absolutely hilarious and horrifying all at the same time. Oh. my. goodness. What a story! Hopefully they were able to hose off the cart outside...

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